So, here ends the cliffhanger edition of my blog… get ready!
The audition went extremely well! No thanks to me, but thanks to all of the hard work I have done over the years… After finishing my last post, I proceeded to sabotage myself through techniques of mindless distraction. I call them mindless because as a wise singer, I would have gone to bed, gotten enough rest, boarded my early NYC flight, and been more mindful of my needs for the session. Now, here’s what really happened:
I conjured an enormous pile of little things that had to be done right away (work for the University, my private students, updating web materials, etc). Said pile kept me awake for an extra hour, and then I was wired from the thought put into all of these tasks. From that, I lost about an hour of sleep. I was doing that wonderful thing…roll over, look at the clock, roll over again, look at the clock again, try in vain to calm my mind, repeat until thoroughly annoyed. It’s sort of like a little kid on Christmas Eve, only the presents are red eyes, pale and puffy skin, a shortened fuse, and a desire to just say f&*$ it and go back to bed.
I must give a shout out to ear plugs at this time. They allowed me to ‘catch up’ on my lost rest, which helped calm the nervous system a bit. I woke from the longer of the two flights surprisingly refreshed and ready to go. What also helped: When I wasn’t resting, I placed all of my intention on who I wanted to be in that audition. I chose to be genuine, open, and endearing. These may seem like funny choices for an audition, but I have found that who I am being in any given moment colors what I am doing entirely. Had I just focused on the doing phase, I am fairly certain I would have delivered a fine audition, but it probably would have been done in the auto-pilot setting. The person for whom I sang is a great man, and is wonderful to talk to. Had I been phoning in, I would have missed that particular connection.
I suppose this makes me doubly grateful: Grateful for my technical work over the years, and also grateful for the Spiritual Awakening I have been undergoing of late. In listening to Rev Paulette Pipe (Touching the Stillness on Unity.fm), she described the careful growth of bamboo. After the initial season of planting, it takes four MORE seasons of nurturing and patience. In the fifth year, the tiny sprig then sprouts up to eighty feet! What has been going on for the past five years? The development of an enormous root system that allows the bamboo to grow to such heights. I hope that the correlation is apparent: Over the past couple of years, as I shuffled through decisions via prayer, meditation, and an exhausting amount of conversation (sorry, friends… next beer is on me for the next decade), I was also rooting myself to be what I am called to be. What that looks like in full manifest, I do not know. Am I as sturdy as the bamboo I just described? Getting there, and loving the process in every small way. I do know that this calling is something that will bring healing, love, joy, and beauty into the world. This is not arrogance. We all have within a Divine Call, I believe. Of this call we should be proud, especially when it begins to reveal itself as does the bamboo after long years.
In short, if it isn’t too late for that; I had to get out of the way and let my Divine Nature speak through me and for me. Did I get the job? I have no idea. Do I feel I did my very best? Absolutely. Did I learn a lesson about how my Ego (mind) loves to create roadblocks and challenges, then happily jumps in and takes credit when things go well in spite of these things? Umm, I hope so… the Universe is still being subtle, but is capable of bringing down the hammer if needed. Have you ever been on the receiving end of one of those colossal wake-up calls? If so, you know they just ain’t pretty.
As a small token of gratitude for my radio- inspirational gurus, I am going to offer up a short list here, with links. I would encourage you to give a listen… all of them can be found on Unity.fm.
Unity Temple on the Plaza and Rev. Duke Tufty (www.unitytemple.com)
Dr. Chris Michaels on You Can Heal Your Life Radio (www.chrismichaels.net)
Revs. Robin Ferguson (Dare To Be Ministries) and Robin Reiter (Sacred Abundance Ministries) on Rebels with a Cause
Rev. Paulette Pipe on Touching the Stillness (see above)
Once again, I must say that I am not claiming mastery, advanced understanding, or any such thing. I know from whence I receive my guidance (like how I got to use the word ‘whence’?), and humbly offer these up for your perusal.
Cheers!