Since the start of the new year, I have felt led to move toward a low-ego existence. This may sound suspicious, airy, or simply impossible. How can I shut down my ego? What is wrong with my ego, that it needs to be regulated?
Welcome to my experiment. For those that have been reading: I have been away from blogging a bit during the holidays and the birth of this next adventure for me. Rather than defining and defending my choices, I will explain what got me here…
Exhaustion. I woke up one morning (not long after my last blog was written…now you have to go look at it, don’t you?) and nearly fell into meditation, the pull was so strong. My choice to live my life from the heart chakra and function from the higher senses exposed this giant, rather disgusting critter… much like walking into a basement and throwing on the lights, only to find a huge cockroach or rat. The critter was my way of thinking; my way of living had become a reactionary thing, and I was no longer claiming cause for my life. Think strangest part of this was the detachment I felt. I had finally reached critical-mass with this; it was time to dig deeper and uproot the thoughts/behaviors that created this duality.
Immediately following this, so many things came forward. My appetites seemed to shift. I began to eat better (diet never was terrible, but there was room to improve), I was far more interested in listening than talking, and I found myself mindful in everything I did. I even began cleaning house in some areas of my career and personal life.
As with all ‘ah-ha’ moments, this faded over a few days. Thankfully, the fading was from getting used to this new approach to things. I would catch myself thinking egotistically, acknowledge it, and choose another way of thinking. Since the fading, I have been in an odd state. So, here I am: How much is too much? Some say that the ego is something of which I should be rid. Others say that it serves a healthy purpose, and the game is to find balance.
Updates and insights to come… feel free to join me in this exploration! It is, so far, quite a ride!