Don’t go there… I am speaking of a different sort of relationship (but, it may have grabbed your attention, so all is well).
I just enjoyed a wonderful birthday weekend with friends at a lakehouse in southern Missouri. We played games, went to MANY flea markets (and, yes, I found quite a few wonderful little treasures), had mango-jalapeno margaritas (my own recipe), went to the Amish markets for our food stuffs, and had an amazing time. In hindsight, I recognize that I haven’t celebrated my birthday in exactly the same way two years in a row. This was a more spontaneous, plan-free weekend, and was just the right thing to shake the melancholy that comes with birthdays… at least, in my family. Honestly, most of this has nothing to do with my post except the calendar date, so I will move on.
I am a firm believer in co-creating my life, with Spirit as a constant source of Divine wisdom, guidance, comfort, and inspiration. Some other ways to describe this experiential type of human journey would be to ‘manifest‘, to ‘visualize‘, or even to ‘name it and claim it’ in the vernacular of my religious upbringing. For the past five or so weeks, I have been spending time in meditation manifesting my desires for the progression of my career as an opera singer. I do not want to imply that I am dissatisfied in any way… I only feel ready to move to the next level. During this process, I was opening to a contract with a company for whom I had never worked, or had not worked in the last five years. I know that there are many conversations about how to manifest things in life… some say that I should visualize or seek to embrace the feeling of the life I wish to create without specificity, trusting in the Divine to fill in the gaps. Others say that the Universe is a consciousness-level ‘YES’, and that I have the right to be very specific, knowing that Spirit will respond according to my commitment. I am a part of the perfection many call God, and the power to live a life I love is mine to access. Still others would say the whole thing is a big, steaming pile of bulls%$# (I know you are out there), and that I have no say in the design of my life other than the choices I make daily. Be that as it may, I have had the most profound experiences with a compilation of these methods of generating my life, with Spirit as source. For those that find all of this WAY too heady or against your own beliefs, please read on…
I spent all of this time being open to this type of visualization, and always left meditation with the words, “This, or something better.” For those that follow a similar path, it seems like I hit the marks, eh? I clearly saw my intent, focused on it, breathed life into it during meditation, took action steps in my daily life to make this manifest idea a reality, lived as if it were already true, expressed gratitude for it as something either here or on the way… and this list goes on. At the end of the day, my established timeline came and went unfulfilled. I found myself immediately rolling down the path to self-defeat. I was ready and willing to abandon all of the prayer work, the gratitude work, and all else I held true because… I didn’t get what I wanted when I wanted it. I was committed to the things I was creating, but refused to admit that I had become attached to the outcome of my prayer.
The point: It is fine to request my richest, most delicious desires of the Universe. It is even more wonderful to act according to those things being fully available to me. It is also important, however, that I remain clear to another simple truth: my prayers have already been answered, my world is already aligning with these desires. My personal timetable has no place in this space. I can be committed to the outcome, but I cannot attach myself to the specifics. I must remain open. I must have a committed, open relationship with my career. I must do the work as an artist and performer that keeps my tools sharpened (commitment), yet trust in something larger, of which I am a conscious part, to provide the outlet for my talents. I have a lot coming up, for which I can be grateful. I have recitals (all Benjamin Britten, be still my heart), operas, oratorios, and concerts for which I can prepare. I have the joy of moving into new repertoire. I have a strong team of people that support me in my career choices. Best of all… I have grown another year older, and would guess I am also wiser for it.
To all of the singers (of course, this applies to everyone…but I must admit a certain bias) that have ever experienced not getting what you want: Believe it or not, there IS enough work for all of us. We may not get ‘the’ gig we want at times, but there is another gig in your lap that someone else saw as their ‘the’ gig. It may look bleak at times, but staying true to your heart’s desire and pursuing the life you love will leave you fully satisfied in the end. I feel fairly confident in promising this, since it is a promise I believe in and have experienced. Until next time….