Before I begin, I must thank all of you that read my post. It was exciting to see so much interest…not necessarily in me, but in this topic!
So, paths. How do we know which to follow? How do we know which fork in the road to take? Who put that giant rock in the road, and how will I ever get around it?
As you may have gathered from the last post, I don’t claim to have the answers to these things. I do know that, as singers (insert your particular profession here…these thoughts hit all of us from time to time), we all face these questions. Let’s take a walk through them…
First, which path do I follow? The one I see simply lying before me? The one that was carved for me by others: Parents, teachers, and other mentors? Perhaps I should choose the daring one? This is the one that others insist will invite failure, that others say will leave me broke, sad, disenchanted, and/or unfulfilled. I say none of these. Many books have been written on this subject; many have made entire careers from helping others choose their path, so I needn’t labor on the subject. The one common theme in all of my exploration on this topic: Follow your dream! Sounds incredibly simple, eh? Here’s the kicker: dreams can have a dark side. Dreams occur when the ego-mind is not looking. I have often started down the path of my dream only to find any amount of debris in the way. The debris shows up when the ego-mind is functionally assessing the dream, and trying to find ways to protect itself from harm. The debris may look like practical thought: “This path will not give me what I desire because it isn’t sustainable. Let’s look at something a little more stable.” The debris may look like things from my past: ” Remember the last time I went this route? I was miserable, and ran from it with the intention of never looking back!” The debris may look like living things that intend to harm me: “….. doesn’t like me anymore. ….. thinks I am a terrible singer, and will never pay attention to me. ….. will never hire me because I am on…. roster….. will not be interested because….. said bad things about me. (This one can go one for a while… the blame game lasts as long as a good game of Monopoly!) Finally, the debris may look like ordinary fear: ” There is no way I can do this. I am not good enough, I am too old, I wasted my shot at this, I will not make it. The only thing worse than feeling as if I failed will be to feel that I failed…again.” Does any of this sound remotely familiar? It certainly does to me…welcome to my morning invitations to prayer, journaling, and other ways of casting off this ‘stinking thinking’. Yes, these are the thoughts that gather like storm clouds in my mind at times. I am sure that every person has their own version of these, or possibly carries the same ones. With all of this going on in my mind, how can I possibly consider doing what I am doing?
I have found that my ego is a very well-meaning sort. In that sense, the best way to keep my ego happy is to play small. A vey dear friend used to tell me that if life were a tree, I loved to hug the trunk. She would then challenge me to go out and be on the skinny branches instead. With that in mind, I am drawn to a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson from his essay entitled Self-Reliance:
“Insist on yourself; never imitate. Your own Gift you can present (if I choose to do so, without following ego’s warnings) every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent (that path of least resistance; the one that is safe and feels guaranteed to be comfy) of another , you have only an extemporaneous, half possession. That which each can do best, none but his Maker can teach him… Shakespeare will never be made by the study of Shakespeare. Do that which is assigned you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much… Abide in the simple and noble regions of thy life, obey thy heart (GET OUT ON THE SKINNY BRANCHES), and thou shalt reproduce the Foreworld again.”
The Point: How do I know I am on the right path? My knowing comes when I take all of the factors listed above (the stormy thoughts) and push them aside. If none of those things held any sway, what would I do with my life? Without those things in the way, the path and the choice are perfectly clear. Have I ever failed? Only according to my mind (okay, there might be others that agree with my mind…that isn’t the point here). Will I ever be rid of these stormy thoughts? I don’t have the answer. I can only trust that I have the tools to recognize them, then maneuver around them through time in silence.
I am but a vessel. The Universe created me, with Divine intention, as a means to be expressed through my voice. My vocal cords were designed like no other. That is not an egotistical statement: I believe we are all unique, individual expressions of an infinite source. What I have been given does not exist in another; nor do the talents of another exist in me. My path, should I choose to follow, is clear. My mind will stand in the way; on this I can rely. I have followed the ‘stinking thinking’ of my mind in the past (and wrestle with it in the present), to less than desirable results. However: Beyond the stormy thoughts of fear, memories, and anything else my ego can crank out… lies the life I desire. It is a life of love, joy, and the experience of a life well lived. I have begun to understand this: By focusing on living a life of love, joy, and experiencing a life well lived (it bears repeating) , all of the things I desire (abundant opportunities to share my talent, true financial freedom, success, the return of a full-time career, etc) are within my grasp.
So, my path: I am to share my gifts in venues around the world. I am to touch the lives and hearts of people through the medium I love most, which is music. Choice: made. Rocks in the road: absolutely. Knowing they are there tells me I am on to something greater than I can imagine, if I fearlessly follow my path.
What is your path? What are the ‘rocks’ that stand between you and the life you imagine? What are you willing to do to make your dreams into reality?