Wow, this journey of self-discovery is amazing! In my last few blogs, I have written about some spiritual ‘housecleaning’ that came on around the beginning of the year. While the road hasn’t been perfectly smooth, it has been extremely revealing. What I am seeing now: In how many areas of my life have I given away the power to be an active participant?
In the opera world, I was taught from the beginning to build a solid, small, and very specific team. This current support system is be made up of teachers, agents, coaches, mentors, directors… whoever I am willing to intimately trust with my development. As I have matured, the team has changed. Some people jumped ship when I had my career-crisis many years ago (read some early blogs for the poop on that), and have since stayed clear of me. That is fine… I made that bed, and I will lie in it. In all, however, I feel that my team is a good one.
Sidebar- it will tie directly in, I swear…
We have had a LOT of snow days in KC over the last two weeks. Sitting at home and unable to go outside without risk of busting my a$% or getting into a wreck, I noticed that I was increasingly antsy regarding my life. I couldn’t figure out the cause, but definitely felt the pressure.
It dawned on me today (day 4) why I am so anxious… this is a ‘physicalization’ of my feelings toward my career. This whole, wide, wonderful world out there, and I am trapped in place, unable to be active in the world I saw. Precisely how I feel about the business of my career- I have farmed out (or so I have been living) all of the activity toward generating work to other sources. I have farmed out all of the decision-making regarding repertoire to other sources. I have become a slave to what I have been taught, and stopped being the true face on the product I am offering!
Well, that has been the bitter pill of the day. The steps to resolve this crisis? I have gone old-school…
I picked up that thing we use to text our brains out… the so-called smart phone… and pushed a series of buttons on it. Next thing I knew, there was a human voice on the other end. Granted, it was voicemail, but I left a message with someone regarding an outstanding ‘on hold’ for my schedule. I didn’t wait for [agent name] to do it. I didn’t wait for the email that was promised to arrive. I simply left a short message, attached a voice to the name, stated my situation, and moved on. Am I attached to the outcome? Ultimately, no. I would LOVE the opportunity that this contract would bring, but not at the expense of waiting forever and holding other opportunities at bay. Whether or not I get the job, I know that I am taking steps to have my career work for me…not drive me to drink, to the looney bin, or to being a raging jerk.
NOTE: This approach is not always the right one. In this case it works. My rule of thumb: Whoever started the conversation needs to carry it through. I made initial contact on this gig, and brought my agent into it after the hold on my schedule was set.
So, I am taking it back… the power, that is. I am taking it back in the appropriate areas. Right now, that focus is on generating my work stream and becoming the President of Team David. I have always admired those willing to carve their own path. To date, I have not always been the best at this… fear of upsetting the status quo for singers can be paralyzing. Well, no more! I don’t intend to go crazy on this…. it is like salt (I have been at home cooking a lot lately, so stay with me): Just a touch of it brings out the brilliance of every other seasoning. Too much taints the mixture; too little leaves it bland and boring.
So, I guess this means I am getting salty with the business that is my career!