So often, I meet people that are convinced not to share their feelings on things…on anything, frankly. If you know me, you know that I do not fall in this category. Here is why:
Bottled emotions are, in my experience, chemical toxins. Keep storing them, and eventually you have quite the nasty, volatile cocktail. Who knows when or where that thing will go off! I has seen friends lose their poo over the smallest thing, only to discover that the trigger had nothing to do with their outburst, or its unpleasant results. There was a time in my life that I was considered by many to be ‘anger on a leash’; quickly and harshly reacting to things that happened, creating a mental catastrophe over things that hadn’t even come to pass. Fortunately, for my sake and all of those I love, those days are mostly gone. Do I still have the occasional verbal spew of emotion? Yes, but I have learned something about emotions that has helped make this a less exhausting process for me…try this on and see if it works for you.
Emotions are just things. I am not meant to be guided by them. I am not meant to allow how I feel to determine the course of my day or my life. It still happens on occasion; again, I am a work in progress. How do they, then, become so problematic for me? When I attach to them. For example: I got angry at someone very close to me for something said. I was hurt, offended, and rather unforgiving at first. I stayed silent about it, and just let that set of toxins brew. In other words, I held to them and made them MEAN something to me… I was no good, they were mean, people are awful, I want to be left alone, I am not going to put up with this, I…I…I…
Honestly, I am feeling this as I write. I haven’t cleared this situation yet. I have, however, detached from those feelings. The lesson I am absorbing (and will probably absorb more deeply approximately 1,000,000 more times before I am put in the ground) is that I CHOSE to let that emotional response take root and flourish. I also CHOSE to let it sit overnight. So, now I am CHOOSING to lay it all aside in favor of a lighter version of myself. I am (and so is the party mentioned above) a Child of God (as always, feel free to substitute your preferred deity). I don’t want to have harsh words flung at me? Then I have to choose my words and reactions well. The energy wasted on being upset only effects me: I could be using that energy to accomplish something wonderful. Honestly, I have far too much on my plate to waste an ounce of energy on such rubbish. Many upcoming concerts, audition materials to update and prepare, and home projects to coordinate, among many other things.
Sorry if this seems an unfocused display…this is what happens when emotions of this nature (a product of ego, most of the time) get the better of me. How do I clear the air when this happens? First, I go within and forgive myself for the permission afforded those emotions to take hold. Next, and more challenging, I own what I am experiencing and discard the feelings through discourse. The tricky part: Remembering this release is for me… I cannot expect and apology, and I cannot go in with blame in my heart. I am ridding myself of these toxins so I can move on. What the person on the receiving end of my words does with them is not mine to know. I own it, release it, and move on.
This may not work for everyone, but it sure has made my life a lot more simple… How do you respond to these types of things?